One of the greatest things that happened during my year
of unemployment is the uninterrupted and leisurely time I get to spend with
family and friends and the shared processing of life events that came with it.
The subject that always comes up – dating life!
I have restrained my dating life. In the past year, I get to understand how I have wired myself in terms of heart
matters. Although I try to charge on it, as I would in surf, travel, work and
every other aspect of my life, dating is the aspect that I flake out on.
In my attempt not to go down the path of having my life
revolve around another person, I have cultivated this mindset that I will find
the love of my life as long as it is hassle-free and I will
only keep the love of my life as long as sacrifice isn’t required. I have
overdone it.
I felt that I have caught the best fish in the sea and I
let them go without a fight. A good fight I would give for a wave. In surfing, I
take waves on a critical, claim “MINE!” at the top of my lungs, and if somebody
gets on the wave, he will have to hear my stuffed words of disappointment. If
only I can migrate this kind of mindset to my dating life.
Instead, a surfing mentality I apply to dating is the
ability to downplay every goodbye because there’s going to be beautiful waves. I
never regret not doing the things I could’ve done to let a relationship
flourish, because there will always be beautiful people and experiences after
goodbyes. Maybe it’s time to regret.
I’ve been asked why I never got into long term relationships
and I have been able to give answers that friends cannot argue with logic –
priorities, responsibilities, logistics. But there must be some truth to what
my friend called me out for, that in the onset; I design my potential relationships to
have those endings. I am taking steps because I want to have a life partner, no
more clauses and fine prints.
I regret that I didn’t wish for XX to stay. That I didn’t
ask XX to fly a few more miles to visit. That I didn’t wish for XX that we date
exclusively. That I played everything
cool and that I was cool with everything.
I have seen the love of my life go. I have seen more
lovers go. Who's to say none of them is the man I will share my life with? I have been wasting gems, I do not want to go through it again, at
least I’ll give a good fight for the next love.
Comments
Post a Comment