I’m the type who needs time before things sink in. Until
now I do not really feel whatever feeling people who’s about to leave their
old lives behind feel, and I can think of several reasons why.
Come to think of it, my default reaction when I panic is to be in a state of chill, maybe a fake calm, another irony.
Like that one time when I was about to present in front of the board and
international decision makers for my old company. I was so relaxed when I
couldn’t answer a very important question, which led me to a more relaxed state
when it snowballed into an intense line of questioning. Moving on...
I’ve been hanging out with clusters of friends the past months. Last week in La Union when my friends kept on teasing me about my love stories, Inka said it best, “logistical complexities, say no more.” So I rode on the humor and said, “what if, just because I am leaving I start liking a Filipino guy.” I underestimated the wit of fate or the matrix, thinking I’m a week away from leaving and I am not really out to meet people. I am well aware that when I say funny “what if” ideas, they usually come to life “Thy will be done” kind of stuff. But that time when I said it I was sure that circumstances won’t allow, but once more, I did an underestimation.
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| Visited Inka and Jose in La Union, their new home. Saw the Extra crew. |
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Ex CMI girls I love so much - Crying Tiger
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| MG, ramen place near ABV |
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| Mike - Run Rabbit Run |
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Last Surf with Alongers - Camping Grounds: Calypso Resort - Surf Spot: Barracuda
TNN + Jazz at Javie's wedding - Lucena City
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It must have been that
same brain region that was sparked when we
get into panic buying mode. That led us to that
point. I’ve always liked the 1960’s, when hippies came to this world,
people were braver, did things they wanted to do because they didn't know
if they would be alive in the next hour or if their lovers would return from deployment or if Russia would drop a bomb on them.
Also because I wish I was watching the TV or the sky when Apollo 13 lifted off
and I wish I was listening on the radio when Armstrong
said, “that’s one small step for [a] man, one giant leap for mankind.”
And so I try to live a calculated hippy life, operating
word, try. Which results to me be amusingly quirky and entertaining. I’d be
blurting out things that make me look like I didn't get the social
filters that’re installed to adults.
But that’s how I work, I never really repress things. I
need to say things out and that’s the time that I will get it off of my head.
That’s why I’m actually happy that things happened the way it did, one less thing
off of my head, although I ask, why didn’t we got to this
point long time ago, “Cxxxxxxxxes, long time ago.” To which I was given a non-answer comeback, “better [super] late
than never.” True, also it all makes for a good story. Long time ago wouldn’t
have been movie material. But now that it is what it is, I have a good
background music for when I make it into a movie.
Interestingly, this was not the first time it has
happened. A few years ago as we were nearing
graduation from college, it has happened. Of course stakes weren’t as
high because we were just leaving campus. As someone who likes working data, I
am really interested seeing patterns and cracking the code. But for now, I will
log it, I hope the data points are enough already. Because
even if these things are fiction book material, it can be annoying when it’s happening to you.
Moving on, it was nice to see the people I love from
different pockets of my life confined in one
place. If I were to change one thing about that night tho, I would have several
Atche be with different people while another Atche plays the Big Brother and watch
the whole thing from up above.
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| Last ones standing |
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| Early birds |
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| CMI friends |
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| P4 reps and their partners |
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| Emmaboo |
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| MG and Mai |
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| CDO friends |
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| The Bantigues |
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| Family reps |
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| Young guns |
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HS friends |
I am a result of my interaction with my friends and I think that the reason why I keep
them is because I want to be like them, something about them. Like, I want to
age gracefully as Kathy, I want to travel and surf the world with my kid like
MG, I want to be prim and prop (when occasions call) like Sam, I want to be as
brave on love as Bianca, I want to be a great furr parents as Jo and Migs, I want to have that same levelheadedness as Sir Joeben
when a major hiccup comes my way, I want to have Mike’s level of
knowledge when it comes to boards and part of me want to be a Muslim, like
Yasser (okay, learn about the religion). My
friends are the gem that I proudly wear in my crown.
Life will be infinitely boring without them… Shocks, now
it’s sinking iiiiin, I’m going to have to
find new gems in NYC. I’m going to cry in
the airport, I hope Ill be seating beside a cute
and kind NASA engineer who has a
hanky.
I felt that I spread myself too thinly that night. But
that’s okay, I didn’t see anybody glued to his/her phone that night. I love
that we had a private place where my eclectic playlist played, which nobody
really cared about because they were too busy mingling.
Which brings me to party planning, the thing I hate the
most. The only time I refused a work assignment was when I was told to manage the preparation of a pre-launch event.
Of course they didn’t let me back out. I thrive on unfamiliarity, I have agreed
to a lot of responsibilities out of the familiar. But party planning. Nah ah.
I almost had the despedida
in a bar because it was easy. It’s a cool thing that we live in a world of
convenience and efficiency, so I had the drinks delivered through Drinkka and Mike got me
Seventeen O’Nine and Rommel, the bartender, as sendoff favor. And that’s it! I
love Rommel, I’ll get him as my wedding planner, or just get him as an image that assures, my wedding will be fun without me breaking
a sweat (I need to get his number). Also, it helps that I have low
maintenance friends.
I was definitely in state of flow, or I may have been
drunk. Reviewing, time zoomed pass. I was there until 6 in the morning
with Tita G, Dadsie and Mike. I was trying to piece things together my sisters
told me that they left at 1.30. Meaning the last 4 were there talking for 3
hours and maybe 1/3 of the time I was just confused about board specs that
Dadsie and Mike were discussing. But it felt exponentially
shorter.
It is so cute to see your friends get the nerves before a
date, torpe. But it’s not cute when you’re at the receiving
end. I realized that it happens to the best of us, even to good-looking, confident and interesting people. I
get that too, except that people wouldn’t
know because I get too chilled out, probably something I got from surfing. Can be likened to the starfish when I wipeout, I do it to preserve energy
and to avoid hitting and eventually getting cut by the reef.
That night was a culmination of the past year filled with
uncertainty. The year that was a testament to, “you
have to fight for your right to pa
rty,” okay
not party, but live the life that you want. I have been a believer of the power
of words and imagination and the deliberateness to make beautiful words and
imagination come to life.
During that year of well-concealed anxiety, an ex lover
gave me the advice that it was the time to do the things I’ve been putting on
hold, and I am glad he planted that thought in my head, because that’s what I
did. Exhibit A: I went on a month-long
backpacking trip to a tiny bit of South America! I have a vision board with a
photo of landscapes of Peru and in the Chicama poster I cut from a surf
magazine, I wrote: surf Peru 2017. Nope, didn’t surf Chicama, nope, didn’t got
there in 2017. But I got there, almost did
something that I’ve been putting on hold.
Looking at it logically, financially, I couldn’t have
done it.
I guess I really did it when I said: I think I’m going to do the vagabonding Rory
Gilmore, “This is my time to be rootless… I feel very lost these days. I have
no job, I have no credit, I have no underwear.” Overdid it. Once again, I am
reminded, “just be careful what you wish for, ‘coz you just might get, ‘coz you
just might get it.”
And so I end with a poem:
Coffee before party,
results to happy tipsy
(contrary to passed out drunkee).
Because if I were drunk, I wouldn't be remembering things.
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